To know, but be told YOU DON'T KNOW

As I think about it, it seems such an improbable thing that I grew up active in the LDS church.

It had nothing to do with the influence of any family member whatsoever. Quite the contrary. None of my family ever exercised any influence upon me to go to church --- other than to send me off with my siblings to have some peaceful time around the house without us kids --- or to be active in anything religious. Their example ran in quite the opposite direction, for the most part. Not that they weren't good people who worked hard and hoped and prayed for good things to happen. But they didn't advocate for religion in any particular way. We didn't pray in the home. We didn't read scriptures. Discussions of religion were very rare and very superficial. My folks were tentative about accepting or welcoming visitors from the church into the home. Many is the time that one of us children were sent to the door to tell a visitor from the church our parents were not home when they were.

I suppose the reason thoughts of this come to the fore at this particular time is because of my difference with the church's position relative to proposition eight in California and its position relative to same-sex marriage. Its position just doesn't make sense. I think I have read pretty much all the positive and negative positions on the proposition, and I have prayed and considered carefully in a spiritual and an intellectual way the entire matter. I just don't agree with the church's position. Not only that, but it is very irritating to be told that I have to keep my opinion private, and, if my opinion differs from the authorities of the Church, I am an apostate and a sinner.

It is very hard to cope with that when I know otherwise.